Sooner or later, you're going to be face to face with a zombie. Zombies, whether naturally or artificially created, will one day roam the Earth. So, you're going to have to learn to defend yourself, and it's definitely not advisable to learn by trial-and-error. That wouldn't be pretty.
A key thing to remember is that zombies are all about brains. They want yours, and you want to get rid of theirs. Essentially, to stop a zombie from eating your brain, you must destroy theirs. You may ask, "But if they eat your brains, how will you become a zombie with no brain?" Trust me, it works. It's some kind of serious voodoo. Trust me, I know some guy who has a cousin who knows an expert on the subject. With this in mind, pay attention to these key tips if confronted by a zombie:
-First off, keep your distance. It's a well known fact that a bite from a zombie causes death and subsequent zombification. Avoid physical contact at all costs.
-Find a weapon to defend yourself. Common choices are assault rifles, shotguns, and rocket launchers. If you are unable to obtain any of these, you may have to resort to a melee weapon. Take extreme caution with such a choice, keeping the first tip in mind.If you can, use a crowbar. In addition to being a blunt weapon, you can also use it in a variety of utility situations.
-NEVER use fire! The only thing worse than a zombie eating your brain is a zombie eating your brain… ON FIRE.
-As tempting as they are, do not use grenades against zombies. Grenades do not kill with the explosion; rather, they kill with the mass shrapnel that it propels in all directions. Since zombies are only neutralized with severe damage to the brain, shrapnel will have little effect and you'll risk getting hit with shrapnel yourself.
-If worse comes to worst, just walk briskly away. Though you have the initial advantage of speed, zombies have the advantage of endurance. Zombies do not need to rest, so any ground you gain from running will be lost as you slumber. So, it is imperative to find a safe spot for you to rest and defend yourself should the undead come to disturb you.
-It is advisable to head in the general direction of the nearest military installation. Zombies are as big of a threat as humanity allows it to be, and the military is your best bet for keeping the undead suppressed.
Good luck, and may your brains remain unmolested!
To be covered: Ninjas, Raptors, Bears, Leprechauns, Malevolent
|
